I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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