you would pick up someone in the library
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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