Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My dick has a subreddit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
