it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
