How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
