You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
