If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
