so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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