these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
