There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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