nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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