so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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