Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
