wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
