Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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