i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
