I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
