I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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