Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize