God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
