Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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