I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
