You're completely useless in the revolution.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
