i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
