U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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