i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
