I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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