Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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