Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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