Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
