they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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