He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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