the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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