my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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