Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
