they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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