just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
