Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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