So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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