i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
