ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
foreskin is a definite game changer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
