I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
