just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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