I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
