As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
