I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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