Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
