the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
