Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
