Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
