I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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