I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Even my vagina gasped.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
