Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
