I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
