so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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