I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
