I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize