Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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