We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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