i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
