I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
