ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
