I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
