Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
